This week marked the first week of school for many kids in my area. At our house and in the neighborhood, we are anticipating the new year, new teacher and what is essentially a new beginning. Admittedly, there seems to be something to opening the text book that has never been opened before, writing in the first page of that brand new notebook, and sharpening a pencil for the first time. However, for many students, there is a fair amount of familiarity at school. They are accustomed to the classrooms, hallways, cafeteria, library and even some of the teachers. Though not everything is new, the sense of being given a clean slate – a fresh start, can be exhilarating. Isn’t this why as adults we celebrate the start of a new year? We put the old year behind (whether good or bad) and we look forward to a new year. Some of us even mark the occasion by thinking about changes to be made in the new year and daring to make resolutions.

In reality, this idea of a clean slate is more of a mindset than an actuality. It seems my life on December 31st is really no different than the life I wake up with on January 1st. However, I often have a different set of expectations and a new feeling of hope. Neither should be discounted in their importance.

I discuss with my counseling clients the concept of each of us being the author of our own life story. Each day, we all get the chance to turn the page (in the book of our life) and decide what we are going to write for today. Each page is a blank page waiting for our mark on it. Who we are going to be to those around us, the dreams we aspire to…we get to choose. Now of course, the decisions of yesterday have an effect on the story of today, but we still have authorship.

The power to choose is a powerful concept. So powerful that some want to run from it and try not to choose. I have certainly been guilty of this at times. Not choosing is still a choice. If I choose indecision, the pages still turn but they are left blank. It seems safe because nothing bad is written. However, I wonder how I will feel when the situation is over and I am left to contemplate the blank pages. Will I be glad I stayed so safe? If I’m having marriage problems and decide to do nothing, when I end up in court – will I regret the blank pages? None of us are fully responsible for our marital problems but I am full responsible (mostly to myself) for my choices in how to manage them.

Embracing the power of choice and knowing we have the ability and opportunity to shape and mold our lives can give us tremendous hope. With every day and every decision, I can turn the page and give my character a new direction. Yesterday, I might have chosen distance from my spouse, but today I can choose to handle marital problems in a healthier way. Early today, I might have yelled at my kids out of my own anxiety and frustration. But I can choose to turn the page, calm myself down and handle my feelings in a better way for all of us. Five minutes ago, I might have eaten the whole bag of chocolate candy, but in this moment, I can choose to stop and refocus on my goal of being healthier.

Sometimes we can get stuck on our failures and that is all we see. That negative focus doesn’t bring change and it doesn’t help those around us. Turning the page and committing to being different, choosing better…that is what will make the difference in our lives. Choosing self-compassion over shame and condemnation, actually provides the relief we are looking for. Many times, we get caught up focusing on our “wrongs” to the point of self-condemnation all while believing this is what will assist us in changing. Ironically, this is just as much of a selfish focus as the first action we are trying to condemn. If I yell at my kids (out of my own anxiety) and then I beat myself up about yelling at my kids – my focus all along is ME and not the kids. Real change happens when I can recognize this pattern and find ways to take the spotlight off myself and choose the type of parent I want to be (to my kids) and start making the necessary changes.

This pattern repeats over and over with each decision. We are human and we will fail – both ourselves and those around us. The question is – are we more focused on the past and beating ourselves up about it or can we turn the page? Can we give ourselves the hope necessary to make the hard choices required to move forward in a different way? We can…we just have to change our mindset.

Spiritual application:

God graciously grants us compassion on a moment to moment basis. He is not keeping a record of your wrongs, but is hoping and waiting for us to step into being the person we are designed to be. In Lamentations 3:22-23, Jeremiah writes “The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.” God doesn’t ask us to do something for ourselves He isn’t already committed to doing for us. He is faithful and gives us the blank page. We get to choose if we will step into that blessing.